Subject: If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: TNG
From: Peter Langston <psl@wolfenet.com>
From: "T. J. Morrison" <taurus@u.washington.edu>
From: ward.moore@autodesk.com

Picard:    Sigma Indri, that's the star,
           So, Data, please, how far? How far?

Data:      Our ship can get there very fast
           But still the trip will last and last
           We'll have two days til we arrive
           But can the Indrans there survive?

Picard:    LaForge, please give us factor nine.

LaForge:   But, sir, the engines are offline!

Picard:    Offline! But why? I want to go!
           Please make it so, please make it so!

Riker:     But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
           We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't
           The danger here is far too great!

Picard:    But surely we must not be late!

Troi:      I'm sensing anger and great ire.

Computer:  Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!

Picard:    The ship's on fire? How could this be?
           Who lit the fire?

Riker:                       Not me.

Worf:                                Not me.

Picard:    Computer, how long til we die?

Computer:  Eight minutes left to say goodbye.

Data:      May I suggest a course to take?
           We could, I think, quite safely make
           Extinguishers from tractor beams
           And stop the fire, or so it seems...

Geordi:    Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
           Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!

Picard:    Mr. Data, thank you much.
           You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.

Troi:      We still must save the Indran planet --

Data:      Which (by the way) is made of granite...

Picard:    Enough, you android. Please desist.
           We understand -- we get your gist.
           But can we get our ship to go?
           Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.

Geordi:    There's sabotage among the wires
           And that's what started all the fires.

Riker:     We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
           We need to go! We need to go!

Troi:      We must seek out the traitor spy
           And lock him up and ask him why.

Worf:      Ask him why? How sentimental.
           I say we give him problems dental.

Troi:      Are any Romulan ships around?
           Have scanners said that they've been found?
           Or is it Borg or some new threat
           We haven't even heard of yet?
           I sense no malice in this crew.
           Now what are we supposed to do?

Crusher:   Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
           They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!"
           I can't just sit and let them die!
           A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!

Picard:    Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.

Crusher:   They may be dead by Tuesday noon.

*COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*

Worf:      The saboteur is in the brig.
           He's very strong and very big.
           I had my phaser set on stun --
           A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
           He would not budge, he would not fall,
           He would not stun, no, not at all!
           He changed into a stranger form
           All soft and purple, round and warm.

Picard:    Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
           Did you see this creature morph?

Worf:      I did and then I beat him fairly.
           Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely.

Riker:     My commendations, Klingon friend!
           Our troubles now are at an end!

Crusher:   Now let's get our ship to fly
           And orbit yonder Indran sky!

Picard:    LaForge, please tell me we can go...?

Geordi:    Yes, sir, we can.

Picard:                      Then make it so!